


I'm Going Slightly Mad

by ahopper84



Category: Actor RPF, American (US) Actor RPF, Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Queen (Band)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2019-10-09 06:09:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17401487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahopper84/pseuds/ahopper84
Summary: Ever since filming BoRhap together, Gwilym, Rami, Ben, and Joe have remained the closest of friends. One night someone makes a suggestion that's totally insane, and yet makes complete sense.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I've fallen down the BoRhap fanfic hole... hard. Forgive me if I get anything wrong, I'm not super-familiar with all the actors' personalities and quirks (yet). Also, sorry this chapter is so short, following ones should be longer. Enjoy!

“Alright, last question is from ahopper84.” Joe scanned the message and scrunched his face into a puzzled smirk. “'Not a question, but a suggestion, you guys should go on tour! With Brian and Roger of course.' Oh, she made sure to tag them too.”

The three other guys all made varying expressions of surprise. They sat in a crowded booth of a diner in New York; it was the first time they'd all gotten together in a few months, although they all spoke frequently. 

“Well, that's a hell of an idea, isn't it?” Gwilym said, sitting back in his seat. He looked at the ‘camera’ - Rami's iPhone - and smiled. 

“It'd be an experience, that’s for sure,” Rami said, sipping his coffee. “Might be fun.”

“Most fun I had on a film was with you lot,” Ben chuckled, stretching his arms back behind Joe and Rami's shoulders. They both smiled, and Joe patted Ben’s hand with his own.

“Same here,” Joe said, and the other two agreed.

“Tell you what, we’ll give it a thought,” Rami said. “Who knows? It could happen.”

“Yeah,” Joe agreed, nodding to the others before grinning at the camera. “You'll be the first to know if it does.”

“Right… And I think that's going to have to be it for now,” Gwilym said to the virtual audience. “But thank you so much for joining us for this impromptu Q&A. Have a good evening!”

Everyone waved at the little screen, then Rami reached over to retrieve his phone and stop the video feed.

They all agreed it was fun, and spoke for a while about the various questions and answers, those that had prompted the most embarrassing stories, and who'd gotten the most attention. All throughout, Joe kept looking at phone absently, his eyes squinting and his lips pursing. 

“Everything alright, mate?” Ben asked, nudging the other man's shoulder. 

“Hm? Yeah, just thinking.”

“About?” Rami chimed in, and Gwilym looked at him expectantly. Joe looked down and chewed his lip for a moment. 

“Nothing, just… Well, the idea of us, going on tour. I know it's crazy,” he laughed, shaking his head. “But... God, can you imagine?”

“Playing for a couple hundred people did feel pretty damn good,” Ben said, looking around. “Bet playing for a couple thousand would be even better.”

“Do you still play, Gwil?” Joe asked; the other man nodded and sipped his water.

“Actually, yeah. Not every day, but at least a few times a week. You?”

“Yeah,” Joe replied, smiling almost shyly. “And we all know you do, Ben; that video you posted sounded really good.”

Ben just shrugged and gave a quiet smile.

“What about you, Rami?” Gwilym asked. “You kept up with any of it?”

“I, uh… actually bought a piano,” The actor said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Nothing fancy, but yeah, I play some now and then.”

A hush fell over the four of them as they looked at each other. There was a tension building, an electricity as they all turned the idea over in their minds.

“But that’s… I mean, we’re a little old to be rockstars, aren’t we?” Gwilym said.

“Speak for yourself mate,” Ben laughed, finishing his beer and turning the bottle between his fingers.

“Well beyond that, who would pay for it? Scheduling would be a nightmare, between the four of us. And who knows if Brian and Roger would even sign off on something like that? Playing them for a movie is one thing; going on tour pretending to be them is another.”

“You’d have to get your curls back,” Rami teased, smirking.

“Ugh, god no,” Gwilym laughed, scrunching his nose. “I hated that bloody thing. I couldn’t wait to get it off every day. And what about you, Rami; you going to get a new set of false teeth?”

“Maybe,” he replied with a shrug. “Ben, you could just grow your hair out, and Joe-”

“Nope, no, I am not getting another perm,” Joe said, and everyone laughed. “You should grow your hair out though, Ben. It looked good on you.”

“Yeah?” Ben asked, looking at Joe with a shy smile.

“Yeah...” Joe paused to clear his throat. “Anyway, technically nobody here said we had to go as Queen.”

Everyone looked at him, puzzled; after a moment he looked down, playing with his napkin. 

“I um… may have done a little… writing,” he said finally, glancing up.

“Writing?” Ben said, tilting his head at his friend, his eyebrows up. “As in songs? Have you written a song, Joe?” His smile grew as he spoke, and more when Joe nodded.

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Gwilym said, “But.. I have too. Nothing finished as of yet, but just some ideas.”

“Same here,” Rami agreed, and Ben let out a sigh.

“I’d be lying if I didn’t say the same.”

The group fell silent again. The air was electric, the hairs on their arms stood up.

“It’s mad though, isn’t it?” Ben laughed, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. “We’re actors, not musicians.”

“Says who?” said Joe, looking at the blonde. “We all play. Hell, we’ve just admitted to writing songs. Just ‘cuz it’s not what it says on our resumes, doesn’t mean anything.”

“You’re all mad,” Gwilym said. “Even if we’ve played a little here and there, we’d still need to freshen up, and take vocal lessons…”

“It’d just be like preparing for any role,” Joe said with a shrug. “Come on, Gwil, you know it’d be a blast.”

“I’m not arguing it’d be fun, I’m just saying it’s not exactly feasible. Still…” He ran a hand over his chin, scratching at the stubble.

“What would Freddie say?” Ben said quietly, his eyes unfocused. 

“I think he’d say to go for it,” Joe said after a minute. “He’d say, what we have, the four of us, is something no one expected, something… well, frankly, something magic. And he’d tell us to chase it.”

“He would,” Ben agreed, sitting back and putting a hand on Joe’s shoulder. “You know he would, Gwil.”

“Yeah… he would, wouldn’t he, Rami?”

“We could do it,” Rami said, nodding. Everyone looked at him, and his lips curled into the beginnings of a smile. “If we were to commit to it, and get Brian and Roger’s okay… We could probably talk the studio into promoting it, and if not, we keep it small. Bars instead of arenas. Like Queen started.”

“So,” Joe started, looking around. “What do we do? Like, is this really even an option?”

“Gwil, you should talk to Brian,” Ben said. “You and him are closest.”

“I suppose I could try… This is bloody insane. We’re not seriously considering this, are we? Us? A band?”

“I… I think we are,” Joe said, sounding as shocked as he looked. All four guys nodded, grinning and nearly twitching with excitement.

“Well then,” Rami said, grinning. “This should be interesting.”


	2. Chapter 2

“This is crazy,” Joe said to himself in the car, for what felt like the tenth time in so many minutes. But he said it with a grin. He was on his way to his first vocal lesson. The dinner with the BoRhap Boys, as they lovingly called each other, had been a week ago, and so far no one had mentioned the insane idea that had been suggested. Still, Joe had decided to be proactive and book a vocal coach, just in case. He also hadn’t given his agent any answers yet about the handful of lukewarm audition dates he’d been given. It wasn’t that he was trying to keep his calendar open for something that likely would never happen… that would be crazy. 

The sound of his phone ringing pulled him from his thoughts, and he looked down to see Ben’s face smirking at him. He quickly tapped the button to put the call on speaker.

“Ben, hey, what’s up?”

“Not much, mate, just figured I’d check in.”

Joe smiled; it really did mean a lot that the four of them all kept in such close contact. Ben called the most often, and that meant a lot too. The two of them had clicked on-set, and even though he cared about Gwilym and Rami just as much, something was different with Ben. Maybe it was their long-standing ‘bromance’ joke; or maybe the joke had started because of their connection.

“I saw your pictures from Italy, man. Super jealous.”

“Thanks,” Ben said, and Joe could hear the smile in his voice. “What’re you up to?”

“I, uh…” Joe chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m actually on my way to my first voice lesson. I… I know it’s silly, but-”

“Nah, mate, I get it. I’ve actually been drumming a bit more the past few days.”

The line was silent for a moment, Joe having to focus on the highway signs for a moment.

“You think it’s got any chance of happening?” Joe asked.

“Who knows… It’d be amazing if it did, though. If you can stand being stuck on a tour bus with me, that is.” Both men laughed for a second.

“It can’t be that bad. I hope I’m not jinxing anything with this, the voice lessons, I just… wanted to be prepared, you know?”

“Yeah, mate, I know. It’d be good to see you again, for more than just a night. And Rami and Gwil, of course.” Ben cleared his throat. “Have you heard from either of them yet?”

“Not yet, but it hasn’t been that long. Even if it does happen, it’ll probably be a while. But anyway, what’re you up to today?”

“Oh nothing much, just got back from a run. Thinking of working out for a bit, then probably drumming a bit before supper.”

“Oh yeah, working out… that thing I should really do.” Joe and Ben laughed, and Joe looked down at himself; he wasn’t chubby by any stretch of the imagination, but he wasn’t exactly ‘in shape’ either, especially compared to Ben. Joe remembered being so jealous of him, with all his open shirts and vests, showing off his perfectly flat stomach…

“Joe, you look fine,” Ben said in an exasperated tone, and Joe could practically hear the eyeroll. “Don’t start that again.”

“Start what?”

“Every time we were on set and I had to have my top off, you’d get that sad puppy look in your eyes and start poking at your own belly. I told you then and I’ll tell you now, unless you’ve gained four or five stone since last week, you look absolutely…”

Joe’s eyes widened as Ben trailed off, and felt his cheeks heat up. 

“Erm, right. Fine. You look fine,” Ben finished, clearing his throat. Joe’s lips curled in a half-smile, and he almost missed his exit.

“Well. I, uh… I’d better let you go, I’m about to hit city traffic. But I’ll text you later?”

“Yeah, do. I’d love to hear how the lessons went. Might have to book a few myself.”

The two said their goodbyes and hung up the phone, but Joe couldn’t stop thinking about what Ben had said. It was true, he’d gotten into a habit while they were filming of being a little self-conscious around the blonde, and Ben had tried to reassure him plenty of times. It was one of the reasons he was grateful for his friendship. But he’d never said anything quite that… personally complimentary. He was probably sick of just repeating himself, Joe reasoned. He was a good friend, and didn’t want to hear me putting myself down.

You look absolutely… What was it about that unfinished statement that had Joe so distracted? He shook his head and tried to forget it, or at least push it to the back of his mind. If it was nothing, there was no reason to dwell on it. And if it wasn’t nothing… well, if things went the way Joe hoped, there would be plenty of time to worry about it later.

***

Joe stretched his arms above his head as he walked out of the vocal coach’s office. His lesson had gone better than he expected; he’d never considered himself a great singer, but his teacher told him he had potential. Granted he probably said that to all new clients, but still, it made Joe feel good.

He pulled his phone from his pocket, and saw that he had a missed call from Gwilym. Two in one day… he hit the button and held the phone to his ear as he unlocked his car.

“Hey Joe, it’s Gwil. So I’ve had a chat with Brian, and he’s talked to Roger, and… Well, long story short, they think it’s a brilliant idea. There’s a million logistics to work out, so nothing’s set yet, but… they’re into it. Call me when you get a chance.”

Joe sat in his car, staring out the window. Was it really possible? Quickly he dialed his friend’s number.

“Hello?”

“Gwil, it’s Joe, I just got your message.”

“Oh, yeah? So… what do you think? Should we really give it a go?”

“Well, considering I just had my first voice lesson,” Joe said, prompting the other to chuckle. “You can definitely count me in. I talked to Ben earlier, and it sounds like he’s all for it, too.”

“Yeah, and I spoke to Rami right after I called you. This is… I know I’ve said it before, but this is bloody mad.”

“It really is, man. I think I might actually be shaking.” Joe let out an uneasy laugh. It was beyond exciting, but also a little scary, now that it looked like a real possibility.

“Same here, mate. Look, there’s still a lot of calls to be made, but… I suppose don’t make any plans just yet?”

“I’ve been avoiding my agent all week. We probably shouldn’t mention this to anyone yet, right? Until it’s more of a sure thing?”

“Yeah. I was just about to call Ben, but beyond that I’d keep it between us for now. Right, well I’d better be off, but I’ll keep in touch, alright?”

“Yeah, for sure. Let me know what happens. Catch you later, Gwil.”

Once again, Joe was left sitting in his car, grinning like an idiot. It was almost overwhelming, how fast it’d gone from a random, impossible thought to something that might actually be in the works. Joe could barely process the thoughts running through his head; memories of hanging out with his friends, laughing and goofing off on-set; images of them touring the country together, playing music like a real band; conversations past and future, light-hearted and gravely serious.

Joe turned on his music app and clicked on his Queen playlist, and moments later the opening notes to ‘Somebody to Love’ filled the car. Once again, the band was influencing his life, pulling him in a new direction he never could have anticipated, and he couldn’t wait to see where it would lead.


	3. Chapter 3

Joe meandered around his house, searching for any last-minute clutter that needed picking up. When he was satisfied the common areas were as clean as they were going to be, he took a seat on the couch and flipped channels. He’d just gotten to the two-hundreds when his doorbell rang, and he jumped up to answer it.

“Rami!” He pulled his friend into a tight hug, which the other returned. “Come on in, man, how was your flight?”

“Not bad. It’s great to see you; been too long.” Rami followed Joe into the living room, pulling his wheeled suitcase behind him. “How’ve you been?”

“Good, good. Here, just leave your bag there, I’ll bring it up to the guest room for you later. You want something to drink, coffee, tea, soda?” 

“Coffee’s great, thanks.”

Joe nodded and headed into the kitchen, still talking over his shoulder.

“I’m so glad you’re here. We should catch a show while you’re in town, have you seen Hamilton yet?”

“No, I haven’t, I’ve been wanting to, though. I’ve listened to the soundtrack, but that’s never really the same.”

“It’s really not,” Joe agreed from the kitchen. “Cream, sugar, both, neither?”

“Both, thanks.”

“Alright, here you go,” Joe said, coming back with two mugs; he handed one to Rami, then sat next to him, sipping the other. “Anyway, I’ve heard good things about this cast. I’ll see if I can snag us a couple tickets.”

“Sounds good.” Rami grinned and sipped his coffee, nodding in appreciation. “So, how’s the practice going?”

“Really good,” Joe replied, sitting back and stretching an arm over the back of the couch. “I was just working on Liar earlier, actually. And I’ve been doing the vocal coaching sessions a couple times a week. Oh, I asked if he’d mind me bringing you along for the next few sessions, he said that’d be fine.”

“Great. I’ve been doing some work on my own, too, singing, piano, little bit of guitar. At least Freddie only ever played on a few songs,” he added with a laugh.

“God, I still can’t believe this is really happening, you know? I mean technically it’s still in the works, no dates or anything, but still… We’re really doing this, one way or another.” Joe grinned at his friend, who returned the smile.

“Yeah, I know. It’s so surreal, thinking about taking a break from acting to become a real musician. I never would’ve seen this coming, even while we were filming. You talk to Gwil or Ben lately?”

“We check in,” Joe said, looking down at his coffee. “Gwil’s kinda spearheading the logistics side, talking to Brian and Roger, making calls; I offered to help, but he said it’d help him from freaking out over it. And Ben…” Joe trailed off and smiled. “Ben’s as excited as the rest of us. He said he’s started drumming every day. Him and Gwil have been getting together pretty often, too.” Joe tried to swallow back the little bit of irrational jealousy; he was happy for them that they were able to hang out, living so much closer. 

“They’re just a few hours from each other, right?” Rami spoke up, continuing when Joe nodded. “Must be nice. But hey, we’ll just have to let them know how much fun we’re having without them, right? Make them jealous for a change.” Rami chuckled and patted Joe’s knee. 

“Damn right,” Joe laughed, clinking their mugs together and pulling Rami into a half-hug. “So, what else is new with you?”

The two spent the next couple hours catching up, channel surfing, and debating whether or not _A Day At The Races_ was a better album than _A Night At The Opera_. Eventually they started to get hungry, so they decided to head out for some pizza.

“I’m sorry, but no. California does not have pizza. They have something vaguely resembling pizza, but nothing I’d willingly eat given the choice.”

“If you say so,” Rami laughed as they sat in the pizzeria, sipping a pair of beers and waiting for their pie. “But at least we’ve got decent sushi.”

“Yeah… I guess you win that one,” Joe laughed. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, grinning when he saw who it was.

“Girlfriend?” Rami asked, prompting his friend’s eyes to dart up with a shocked, confused expression. “You just lit up like Christmas morning.”

“What? No, it’s Ben.” Joe felt his cheeks heating up as he answered the call, still giving Rami a perplexed look. “Hey man, what’s up?”

“Hey, mate. Not a bad time, is it?”

“No, not at all. Rami’s here, we’re getting pizza. Here, let me put you on speaker.”

“Hi Benny,” Rami said in a slightly teasing tone, smirking at Joe. Joe just rolled his eyes, his brow still creased, and set the phone on the table between them.

“Rami, hey. That’s right, I forgot Joe said you were visiting him for a bit.”

“Yeah, for a couple weeks. You should come join us.”

“Maybe I will. Wouldn’t want you two getting into too much trouble without me, yeah?” Ben chuckled. 

“Hey, you know you’re always welcome here,” Joe said. “You and Gwil. How is tall, dark, and nerdy, anyway?”

“He’s alright, we caught a play together last week. Went a bit over my head, but it was good.”

“Aw, you two had a date night,” Rami cooed, nudging Joe. “How sweet. Did he buy you dinner, too?”

“Maybe,” Ben replied, and Joe rolled his eyes and nudged Rami back.

“Yeah, well I’m buying Rami dinner, _and_ we’re seeing Hamilton.” 

“Lucky him,” Ben said, and Joe felt his cheeks heating up, a condition which only worsened when Rami leaned over to rest his head on his shoulder. “Well I’ll let you two lovebirds get back to your date.”

“Oh you know Joe only has eyes for you,” Rami teased. 

“Him and Ben Cardi,” Joe corrected, and all three men laughed. “Anyway, text me tomorrow, maybe we can get some practice in over video chat?” He looked at Rami, who nodded.

“Yeah, mate, that sounds good. Have a good one.”

“Give Gwil our love,” Rami chimed in before the call disconnected. “So,” he said after Joe finished putting his phone away.

“So… what?” Joe stared at his friend, who just stared back with a coy smile.

“Nothing,” Rami said after a moment, shrugging. “Oh hey, here comes our pizza.”

“So how’s Lucy?” Joe asked, grabbing himself a slice.

“She’s good. She’s working a tv show right now, some political comedy thing. Says she’s having a blast.”

“That’s really great. You know, I’m just so happy for you guys. I think we all had a feeling about you two before either of you did.”

“Maybe,” Rami chuckled. “But yeah, things are… good. I’m really happy to have her. What about you?”

“What about me?” Joe echoed, one eyebrow up.

“Anything on the romantic horizon?”

“Oh, no,” Joe said, smiling and looking down. “Nah, been flying solo since what’s-her-name and I broke it off.”

“That was back when we were still filming, wasn’t it? Right after we started?”

“Something like that. Anyway, I’m just kinda focusing on myself for now, you know?”

Rami nodded, and the two fell into silence for a minute. 

“Anyone you’ve got your eyes on, though?” Rami prodded, sipping his beer and pretending not to look at Joe. Joe shrugged and stared down at his own half-empty bottle. 

“Not really. No one I’d have a shot with anyway.”

Rami raised an eyebrow at that, and Joe caught the look.

“I mean, you know, we’ve all got people like that. Faces in the crowd. Not anyone I know.”

“Right. Well maybe you’ll meet someone on the road.”

“Oh yeah, I’m gonna bang so many groupies,” Joe mocked, cracking up halfway through. He sighed and scratched the back of his neck. “Honestly, if it happens, it happens, but if not… I’m okay.”

“You’re too good a guy to think like that,” Ramy said, putting a hand on the other’s shoulder. “I think you don’t give yourself enough credit. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Joe felt himself blushing again, and rolled his eyes.

“Not that I’m applying for the position,” Rami added with a wink.

“Good. You know I’d never cheat on Ben Cardi,” Joe said, downing the rest of his beer. 

“Ah yes, your faithful husband, how could I forget. Where’s he hanging around these days?”

“My bedroom, of course,” Joe scoffed, as if it was the most obvious answer. Both men laughed, and Rami gave Joe’s shoulder a squeeze before pulling his arm back.

“Of course. Truly a match made in heaven.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry this has been a slow build-up so far; I promise things will start heating up soon!

Joe tried to fight the grin on his face as he exited the plane. He found himself peering around the corner, trying to see his friends as soon as possible; his heart was hammering in his chest, and he had to restrain himself from breaking into a jog.

It’d been a long six months since the night at the diner, where they’d been gifted with the brilliantly insane (or was it insanely brilliant?) idea to tour like a real band. They’d all kept in even closer contact than before, something Joe hadn’t thought possible. But now, after countless meetings and calls, things were finally coming to fruition. Dates were set, tickets were available for sale, and they were getting together for a month of rehearsal before hitting the road. To say Joe was looking forward to it was a massive understatement.

As soon as he came around the corner, his eyes scanned the area. It only took a few seconds for him to see the familiar brunette towering over the rest of the crowd. Joe darted between bodies and made his way over, his arms outstretched well in advance.

“Gwil!” he called, friend pulling him into a bear hug that hurt in the best way. 

“So glad you made it,” Gwil said, patting Joes back before releasing him. 

“Hey, mate,” Ben’s voice came from behind Gwil, and Joe took a breath.

“Hey Benny,” he said, smiling at the blonde; the two of them stood there for half a moment, smiling awkwardly, until they both let out a chuckle, Ben pulling Joe into a hug. “Missed you,” he said quietly.

“Missed you too, man.” Joe hesitated before pulling away, and if he hadn’t known better, he’d say Ben seemed reluctant to let go, too.

“So, Rami here yet?” Joe asked, stepping back and addressing the two of them.

“Should be arriving in about ten,” Gwil replied, checking his watch. He snapped his fingers and looked up. “Gate… What was it, Ben? Fourteen?”

“Sixteen, I think. We’d better leg it if we want to get there before him.”

“So how’ve you been?” Gwil asked, an arm around Joe’s shoulders. 

“Pretty good. Worked on a couple little projects here and there, nothing too major. How about you?”

“Did a bit of work,” Gwil said. “There was this mini-serial drama, about a bloke who’s son went missing. Based on a real story, supposedly, although you know how it is, gotta make it more interesting and all.”

“Yeah,” Joe said, smiling. “And of course we know Benny’s been busy. Seriously, how was Italy? I’ve always wanted to go.”

“Oh it was brilliant,” Ben replied, smiling wistfully. “They kept me pretty busy during the days, but I was able to sneak away now and then. It’s really breathtaking, you know? The parthenon, the cathedrals… buildings that’ve stood for hundreds and hundreds of years. It’s something else.”

Joe couldn’t help smiling at how happy Ben looked reminiscing, the way his eyes lit up. 

“It sounds wonderful.”

“You really should visit sometime,” Ben said, his eyes drifting to meet Joe’s, his lips still curled in a smirk.

“We’re doing a show in Rome, aren’t we?” Gwilym spoke up, drawing the other two’s attention. “At least, that’s one we’ve talked about, for the European leg.” 

“Yeah, that, uh.. That’s right. Yeah, hopefully we’ll have time to get some sightseeing in.” Joe cleared his throat. His head felt a little fuzzy; probably just some jet lag, he reasoned. 

“Oh, hey, this is it,” Ben said, pointing to the nearby terminal. “Should be any minute now, should we go stand by the gate?”

The other two nodded, and so they headed over. A few short minutes later, the last band member was joining them all in a four-way embrace.

“It’s so good to see you guys,” Rami said, beaming. “Sorry I haven’t been around as much last couple weeks.”

“It’s all good,” Joe said, patting his friend’s shoulder. “How’d the shoot go?”

“Eh, I’ve had easier, but I’ve had worse, too. Kinda glad to be done with it though. Missed you guys.”

“We missed you too, mate,” Gwil said, ruffling Rami’s hair. “How’s Lucy?”

“She’s doing great, she told me to give you all hugs and kisses from her. Hey Ben, how did things go with that one you were telling me about? Amy, right?”

Joe’s eyebrows shot up and he looked at Ben; his friend hadn’t mentioned anything about seeing anyone. While it wasn’t technically his business, he did feel a little disappointed that Rami had been told, and not him. It seemed Gwil had been kept in the dark, too; he crossed his arms and gave Ben a very Brian May-like look just this side of curious judgement.

“Been keeping secrets from us, have you?” the taller man said, throwing Joe a quick glance. 

“Not really,” Ben said, rubbing the back of his neck. “It was just a couple dates. Nice enough girl, but…” He trailed off and shrugged. “I only didn’t tell you two because you were both busy, and by the time you were free again there was nothing to tell.” 

Rami and Gwil nodded, but Joe couldn’t help feeling like there was something in the way Ben looked at him. He looked guilty, but moreso when looking at Joe than at Gwilym, 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mention it. I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret, I promise.” Ben looked at Gwil first, then at Joe. 

“It’s no big deal,” Joe scoffed, not sounding quite as casual as he’d hoped. “Sorry it didn’t work out though.” He put a hand on Ben’s upper arm, giving a friendly squeeze; Ben covered his hand with his own and smiled.

“Thanks. I still feel bad though. You guys are my best mates,” he said to all three. 

“And you know you’re all ours too,” Rami said. 

“Well, I don’t know about you lot, but I’m half starved,” Gwil spoke up, breaking the tension and patting both Rami and Joe on the shoulders. “What do you say we hunt down some lunch?”

All three agreed, and so they made their way out of the airport. Gwil and Ben led the way to their rental car, Gwil slipping behind the wheel. 

“One of you can have the front,” Ben said to Rami and Joe. 

“You mind if I take front?” Rami asked with a cryptic smirk.

“Um, yeah, that’s fine.”

“Aw, Rami, I know you just want to be close to me,” Gwil cooed, prompting the other three to laugh. They all got into their respective places; Joe, being technically the shortest, slid in behind Gwil, even though the car had plenty of room for all. As Rami and Gwil started a debate over where to go to eat, Ben pulled out his phone and motioned Joe closer.

“Thought you might like to see some of the shots I took,” he said, pulling open his gallery and holding the phone between them. Joe moved over until their legs were touching hip-to-thigh, their heads bowed together to look at the small screen. Picture after picture of gorgeous vistas and architecture were swiped across the screen. At one point Ben had taken a selfie in front of a sunset, the light catching the edges of his face and giving him an ethereal glow.

“I was thinking of you here, I think,” Ben said softly. Joe glanced over, but the blonde was staring down at the picture. “Something you said once, about liking sunsets.”

Ben’s cheeks were pink as he glanced over with an uneasy smile. Joe felt his breath catch in his throat, some unknown emotion settling in his chest.

“Ah, anyway…” Ben cleared his throat and turned back to the phone, laughing at a picture of a little old man playing accordian in a town square. Joe tried to pay attention, but he couldn’t get his mind off the strange moment that’d just passed between them.

It was anything new, though. He and Ben had always been closest out of the four of them. It’d been like that since practically day one, and the more time they’d spent together, the stronger their bond had become. 

It’d been a devastating year for Joe, losing his father. He was positive he wouldn’t have survived it if not for Ben, Rami, and Gwil. He could remember so many nights of sitting in his trailer while at least one of them kept him company. The hardest nights were the ones where he’d broken down, sobbing into someone’s chest while they held him and whispered soothing words. They’d all done it, but for some reason, the times when it was Ben comforting him stood out the strongest.

Not that the tragedy was the only thing they’d all bonded over. There were plenty of good memories, too. Goofing off on-set, sharing the joy of finally nailing this or that song, hanging out in someone’s trailer watching a movie, trips to the bar after a long day of shooting. Talking until four in the morning, about everything and nothing. Sometimes just occupying the same space while one of them was on his phone, and another read a book. All four of them shared moments like that, but again… The ones with Ben felt just a little bit stronger, a little bit more meaningful. Joe didn’t understand it, but he didn’t have to. As far as he was concerned - though he would never say it out loud, for fear of hurting Gwil or Rami’s feelings - Ben was truly his best friend, and he didn’t know what he would do without him.


	5. Chapter 5

“Well, here we are lads,” Gwilym said as he pulled the car up the drive; Ben and Joe both leaned forward to get a better view of the cottage. It was all done in tan stone, with a thatched roof and ivy climbing up the walls. It looked to Joe like something out of a book of fairy tales, and he smiled. The gardens surrounding the house were a mix of wildflowers, spreading out in a sort of controlled chaos. He looked at his friends, and saw they were all similarly enchanted by the picturesque scene.

“Our bags got should be inside already,” Ben said as the four of them filed out of the car. “And I think they said there’s a studio out back; they probably set our gear in there.”

“First come first serve on the rooms,” Gwil said as he unlocked the front door. The house was as quaint on the inside as it was outside, and the four guys stood there for a minute, taking it all in. There was a huge fireplace in the living room; Joe couldn’t wait to build a fire in it. Their luggage was all set out next to the couch.

“Kitchen’s not bad,” Rami said, taking a closer look. “Fully stocked, too.” 

“Well, I’m just gonna go set my stuff upstairs,” Joe said, picking his suitcase from the pile. The other guys agreed and all four of them headed upstairs to claim their territory. 

“Hope you don’t mind being neighbors,” Ben chuckled, taking the room next to Joe’s. “I promise I don’t snore.”

“Wouldn’t bother me if you did,” Joe replied with a smirk. “Um, anyway, I’m just gonna…” he gestured to his room, and Ben nodded.

“Yeah, right. See you in a bit.”

Joe closed the door behind him and took a breath. The room was simple but nice. He set about unpacking, filling the dresser with his clothes, then sat on the bed. It wasn’t bad, a little hard for his preference but not unbearable. He decided to lay back for just a minute, just to rest his eyes. The pillow was soft, and the sunlight streaming through the window was warm. The jet lag was catching up to him, and within a few minutes he was asleep.

“Joe? Gwil’s making supper if you’re hungry.”

Joe heard Ben’s voice through his door, but his mind was still foggy. He rolled onto his side, hugging his pillow, ready to go back to sleep. He heard a knock on his door, but before he could move it opened. 

“Joe, are you- oh,” Ben said, the last word coming out more like a sigh. Joe didn’t open his eyes just yet, some curiosity of what Ben would do nagging at his brain. Maybe it was a half-hatched thought to prank him, or just a desire to go back to sleep. He heard soft footsteps as Ben came closer, obviously trying to keep quiet. Joe could hear Ben’s breathing, slow and quiet, and confusingly close. The floor creaked, and Joe felt something, just hovering over his head, the hint of body heat. But then it was gone, and Ben’s footsteps retreated, his door closing again with a quiet click.

Joe opened his eyes, blinking against the low light. His chest felt tight, confused emotions churning in his chest, and he swallowed past the lump in his throat. He rolled onto his back and rubbed his face with his hand. He had no idea what’d just happened, other than Ben apparently watching him sleep for a minute. And… almost touching him? It reminded him of the moment in the car, and a hundred other moments just like it.

Joe sat up and took a deep breath. He was overthinking this; he had to be. Maybe Ben had just been trying to wake him up. Maybe Joe had imagined the almost-touch. That had to be it. Joe shook his head, trying to clear the fog. He was just tired, that was all.

“Hey guys,” Joe said as he entered the kitchen. Rami and Gwil looked up and smiled from where they stood by the stove, but Ben stayed where he was, face buried in the fridge; Joe thought he saw his back tense, but it was impossible to be sure from across the room.

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” Gwil teased. “Just making some pasta, hope that’s alright.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Joe said, his voice rough with sleep. “Need any help?”

“It’s cool, we got it,” Rami said, smiling over his shoulder. “Have a good nap?”

Joe nodded as he took a seat by the table. Ben turned around, a couple bottles of beer in his hand.

“Thirsty?” He asked, offering one to Joe.

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

The blond popped the caps and handed one over, taking a seat across the table. Joe watched him as they both took a sip; the blonde seemed to be avoiding his eyes for some reason.

“So we should go check out our gear after dinner,” Rami spoke up. “Make sure nothing got busted in transit,” he added with a laugh.

“Should we get some practice in tonight, or start fresh in the morning?” Gwil asked.

“I’d say wait ‘til tomorrow,” Joe said. “You’ll need to get everything set up the way you want it, Ben, right?”

“Mhm,” the younger man said, nodding and taking another sip of his beer. 

“We gotta start talking about the setlist too,” Rami said. “So we know what songs to start working on first.”

“I’m sure we all have ideas on that,” Gwil said. “It’s going to be so hard to narrow it down, but I’m sure we’ll manage.”

“We should put Roger’s car song in the mix,” Joe said, laughing and nudging Ben’s leg with his foot. 

“Only if we include Liar as well. Can’t leave out that epic bass solo.”

“Well if we’re talking solos, it’s all about Keep Yourself Alive,” Joe fired back. Ben held his eyes for a moment, his cheeks turning a little pink, before he looked away, taking another swig of his beer.

“Well, we can certainly hash all that out,” Gwil said, clearing his throat. “Meantime, supper’s ready, come get your plates.” 

After dinner was done and the dishes washed, the four of them decided to go check out their rehearsal space. The space was built like a small barn, with high wood-beamed ceilings. There were couches scattered around the room and rugs spread out across the floor; in the center were all their various instruments, still packed up and just sitting in a general pile. A small piano sat to one side of the room as well, a permanent fixture that’d been one of the perks of this place.

“Dig in, I guess,” Rami laughed, going over to sit at the piano and testing it’s tune. The other three grumbled and rolled their eyes, and started picking through everything. Gwil and Joe checked the guitar cases, sorting out whose was whose, while Ben got to work setting up his kit. 

“Need a hand?” Joe offered Ben, once his cases were checked and set aside. Ben looked up from where he was adjusting his kick drum and smiled.

“It’s alright, but thanks. Kinda picky about it, no offence.”

“Got that from Roger, huh?” Joe crouched down to Ben’s level. “So hey, I was gonna ask. And it’s no big deal, I’m just curious. But what happened with that girl Rami was talking about? Like, where’d you meet her?”

“Friend of a friend,” Ben answered without looking up. “Got set up on a blind date; some of my mates were tired of me whining about- about being single.” Ben cleared his throat, his fingers faltering slightly.

“Tell me about it. I still can’t believe it’s been three years since me and Jessica split up. Course, having you guys definitely helped pass the time.”

“Us and Ben Cardi,” Ben teased, and Joe laughed. “I swear, sometimes I think you love him more than the real thing.”

“Ah, but the real thing doesn’t sleep next to me every night.” Joe winked, and laughed at the way Ben’s cheeks turned red.

“You’ve never asked, mate,” Ben said under his breath, looking up at Joe, and the older man snickered.

“Well hey, I’m right next door now, so you ever feel like dropping by, consider this your open invitation.” Joe gave an uneasy laugh at Ben’s raised eyebrow. He’d meant it as a joke, but somehow his tone had come out a little too sincere to be overtly humourous.

“We should try something,” Gwil spoke up once everyone’s gear was fine-tuned. “See where we’re at, you know?”

“That’s a great idea,” Rami agreed, plucking a couple notes on the piano.

“Yeah, let’s go for it,” Joe said, slipping on his bass and plugging in. “What should we start with?”

“How about Keep Yourself Alive?” 

Everyone turned to look at Ben; they all knew his love-hate relationship with that song, especially after the prank they’d pulled on him.

“You sure?” Gwil asked. “We can start with something easier to warm up.”

“Nah, let’s just give it a go,” the blond insisted, twirling a drumstick around his fingers. The other three looked at each other and shrugged. 

“Alright, why not?” Rami said, grabbing a tambourine. “We’ll watch you when we get to the solo.”

Ben nodded, and counted them in. Joe turned to face him, the drums and bass playing off each other. Everyone was ready to just skip the drum solo; it’s what they’d all done before. But when the other three guys turned to look at the blond, he launched into a two-and-a-half minute solo, nailing every beat flawlessly. Eyes widened in shock with every passing second, and the guitarist nearly missed his cue. They finished out the song, waiting until the last note faded before pouncing on the drummer.

“Holy shit!” Joe exclaimed, a wide grin splitting his face. “Dude, that was amazing!” 

The blonde beamed at his friends, panting and pushing a few sweaty locks of hair off his forehead.

“When the bloody hell did you learn that?” Gwil asked, and Rami nodded in agreement.

“Been working on it since we had the idea to tour,” Ben admitted, his cheeks pink. “Wanted to learn the Hammersmith version, as it’s the longest one.”

“Roger would be so proud of you,” Joe told him, smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. “Hell, _I’m_ so proud of you!” 

“This tour’s gonna be amazing,” Rami said, grinning at his friends, and they all chimed in with their agreements. As Joe looked at Ben, he couldn’t help thinking just how true that was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this one took so long!!! Hopefully it's worth the wait. I know things have been moving at a glacial pace, but I promise the pace will be picking up soon. (I'm a sucker for slow burns, what can I say?) Anywho, hope y'all enjoy!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a while, real life has been kicking my ass. Also, sorry this has been so slow to start... hopefully it's not *too* slow? Things will heat up soon, I promise. In the meantime, I really appreciate all the comments though, and I'm so happy so many people are enjoying this story!

Joe huffed and rolled over for the tenth time. In the dim moonlight coming from the open window, he could just make out the time on the old wall clock - it was almost half past two. The guys had run through a few more songs, then just jammed for a while, finally calling it around midnight. Since then, Joe had been doing everything he could to fall asleep, but the adrenaline rush had yet to wear off, his mind whirring.

He was happier than he'd been in a long time. Since filming BoRhap, if he was honest, and the reason was obviously the company. It felt so good to be back with his closest friends. Their friendship was just so easy, like the four of them had always been together. In a lot if ways, they'd become like brothers to him.

If you held a gun to his head and made him choose, though, it wouldn't surprise anyone that Ben was his favorite. There was just something about the blonde brit that got under Joe's skin, but in the best possible way. The way he laughed at Joe's stupid jokes, or played along with the whole ‘bromance’ thing… the way his eyes shined when he smiled… his baritone voice, a perfect balance of smooth and rough, like worn leather… And the way he'd nailed that drum solo had blown Joe away. For only having learned a couple years ago, he was so talented, and looked so natural behind the drums.

And then there were the quiet moments between them. Moments like they'd shared earlier that day, and dozens more since they'd met, where the rest if the world just sort of… faded out around them. Joe lived for those moments, despite not understanding them. They made his head spin and his heart flutter and his body- 

Joe cut the train of thought short. It wasn't like that. Ben was the best friend he'd ever had. Sure, he was attractive; anyone with one good eye could see that. But Joe didn't think of him like that. Mostly. Okay, maybe all the ‘bromance’ nonsense had made it crossed his mind once or twice… And maybe, when helping himself on some lonely night, a certain pair of green eyes had flashed by in his mind moments before release… but that didn't mean anything would ever happen between them for real.

Joe groaned and dragged a hand over his face, stubble scratching his palm. Sleep. He needed sleep. The first night in a new place was always difficult, though. Joe thought about going downstairs for a glass of water, or maybe some tea. He tossed the covers aside and was about to get up, when there was a knock on his open door; he looked over to see Ben standing just outside, his form easily recognizable in the low light. He wore a plain tee shirt and boxers, his hair sticking up at odd angles.

“Hey buddy,” he said, pushing the door open further. “Heard you tossing. Can't sleep either?”

“Nah. You?”

“Not a wink.” Ben stood in the hallway, shifting from one foot to the other - waiting, Joe realized. 

“You wanna sit up for a while? Since neither one of us can sleep?”

“Sure.” Ben’s smile could be seen across the room, even in the near-darkness. Joe sat up against the headboard, his legs crossed; Ben took a similar position near the end of the bed.

“You sounded so great tonight,” Joe said, grinning at his friend. “I still can’t believe you nailed that solo.”

“Thanks, mate. Worked my arse off trying to get it down. You sounded brilliant too.”

“Well it definitely shows. God, I’m just so psyched for this.” Joe pulled one knee up to his chest, wrapping his arm around and resting his head. “Seriously, I’m so glad we’re doing this.”

“Me too. I really missed you guys.”

“Yeah, well at least you and Gwil get to hang out whenever you want.”

“Don’t pout,” Ben laughed. “You know you’re welcome to come visit whenever you like.”

“You were busy,” Joe said, shrugging. “Wouldn’t wanna cramp your style, mister Paris fashion week.”

“Wasn’t half as exciting as it looked,” Ben said, looking down. “Spent most of the time bored out of my mind, to be honest. At least you would’ve made me laugh.”

“I wouldn’t fit in there. It suits you, but it’s just not my scene. I’m not…” Joe sighed, shrugging again. Ben frowned and tilted his head.

“Not what?”

“Not like… stylish, or whatever. One of the pretty people,” he said with a quiet laugh. 

“And you think I am?”

“Like you don’t know,” Joe huffed, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah… right. Ben Hardy, pretty boy.” There was an edge to Ben’s tone that made Joe look up; the blonde was turned away, his lips drawn in a tight line.

“Ben… I didn’t mean it like that. I know you’re so much more than that. I’m sorry.” Joe reached over to touch Ben’s leg. He knew it was kind of a sore subject for the younger man, being prized for nothing but his looks for so long.

“I know,” Ben sighed, looking down at Joe’s hand. “I know you didn’t. You’re one of the few that actually sees me as more than just eye candy. You, Gwil, Rami… it means a lot to actually be listened to.” Ben leaned his head back, looking at Joe through half-closed eyes, the smile returning to his lips. “Course, it’s nice to know you think I’m pretty, too.”

Joe felt himself blush, and pulled his hand back. 

“And who says you’re not pretty?” Ben asked, leaning closer again. “I can think of a few hundred thousand people that would disagree with that.”

Joe blushed harder, smiling and hiding his face against his knee. “Not the same thing. They all say I’m… cute.” Joe spit the word like it tasted bad. 

“And right they are.”

“Cute’s fine when you’re a kid. Not exactly what you wanna be called when you’re a grown man.” 

Joe looked away; he didn’t like thinking about it. He knew his looks weren’t his strong suit. It wasn’t that he thought he was unattractive, but he wasn’t exactly a pinup like Ben was. No one would ever call him eye candy, or prize him for his body. And that was a good thing, he reminded himself. He was judged purely on his talent as a creator. Still, every now and then it stung a little.

“Who says you’re not more than cute?” Ben asked, his head down. Joe’s eyes flicked to the younger man. 

“I don’t know… I just don’t see myself that way, I guess.” The air between them seemed to shift, the casual conversation taking on a greater weight. 

“You really should. Maybe you don’t look like a model, but that doesn’t mean you’re not…” Ben cleared his throat, and couldn’t be sure in the low light, but he thought he saw his cheeks darken. “Er, anyway, screw what everyone else thinks. Long as you’re happy with yourself, that’s what matters.”

“Right,” Joe said, nodding, smiling a little. “So, you’re from Dorset, right?”

“Yeah, I was born not far from here.”

“Your parents still live nearby? You gonna visit them while we’re here?”

“Probably, yeah. They’re still over in Sherborne, just down the way. You could come if you like, you and the others.”

“Sure, I’d love to meet your parents.”

Ben gave an odd laugh at that, poorly covered with a cough, and it took Joe a moment to get why; when it clicked he chuckled and ducked his head again. 

“Did Rami tell you he’s thinking of asking Lucy to come with us?” Ben said, and Joe picked his head up again. “Hasn’t made up his mind yet; says he doesn’t want to pull her away from her project, but that filming for the first season might wrap up just as we’re setting off.”

“Didn’t mention it to me yet. I wouldn’t mind, though, Lucy’s great. And I know it’ll make him happy to have her around; it must be so hard with them being apart so often.”

“Yeah… they really are perfect together.” 

The two men fell silent again. Joe thought about how his last relationship had ended; he’d really thought she was the one for him, but apparently not. He’d always worn his heart on his sleeve before her, but since the breakup he’d felt a lot more guarded with his emotions. There was no hiding anything from Ben, and his other BoRhap castmates, but the thought of opening up to a potential partner frankly scared him. He didn’t want to feel that vulnerable again.

“Have you thought about meeting anyone?” Ben asked quietly, and Joe wondered if he’d suddenly developed telepathy.

“No. Haven’t really tried.”

“Why not?”

“Just…” Joe wanted to deflect, to give a half-assed empty answer. But when he looked over at his friend, staring back at him with such concern, he felt a twisting pain in his chest. He looked down and shrugged, picking at the blanket. “Don’t want to get hurt again,” he admitted. “It’s stupid, I know. And I think… I think part of me wonders if it’s something I did wrong. Something wrong with me. Like if I’d been more attractive, more successful, or paid more attention to her, or just been… better.”

“Joe,” Ben said, but he stubbornly refused to look up. “Joseph,” he tried again, his tone more firm; he moved on the bed to sit beside the ginger, nudging his shoulder, and that time it worked. “Joe, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You care so deeply about everyone around you, and you’re selfless and generous, and a bloody riot. And don’t get me started on your looks again. You’re… you’re perfect.”

Joe stared at him, his eyes becoming glassy, his vision blurring. After a few tense seconds he smiled sadly, and leaned his head against Ben’s shoulder. 

“Thanks, Ben. You’re a good friend,” he said; his hand lifted and hesitated for a moment, before covering Ben’s between them. “My best friend. I don’t know where I’d be without you, but probably no place good.”

“Anytime, mate,” Ben replied, his voice cracking slightly.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't proofread this as closely as I should have, so... yeah. Sorry. At least it's up?

The guys spent the next few days easing into things; they would have breakfast together, rehearse for a bit, break for lunch, enjoy some free time, then rehearse again after dinner. Nights were spent watching movies or just hanging out and talking. There wasn’t any pressure yet, and no one wanted to burn out or get too sick of each other too early.

Joe spent a lot of time with Ben; they didn’t talk about the heartfelt conversation they’d had, and Joe was grateful for that. He didn’t know what to make of the feeling in his chest when he thought about it too long, or whenever he caught Ben looking at him with that shy, almost guilty smile. He spent plenty of time with Gwilym and Rami too, though. It was on the fourth day when he and his fellow American were sitting in the studio, both picking at their instruments without much intent.

“So I heard you’re thinking of asking Lucy to join us,” Joe said, glancing up from his bass. 

“I was thinking about it, yeah. I didn’t know how you guys would feel about it, though.” Rami played a few ascending notes on the piano.

“I think it’s a great idea. I know you guys haven’t been able to spend much time together, between your projects and hers. I say go for it; pretty sure Ben and Gwil won’t have an issue with it either. We all love Luce.”

“Yeah?” Rami smiled and turned on his piano bench to face the bassist. “Okay… I’ll bring it up next time I talk to her. Not sure if she’ll even be able to go, but she said shooting is supposed to wrap up soon.”

“I’m really happy for you guys, you know. You really make a great couple.”

“Thanks,” Rami said, looking down with a bashful grin. “She’s great. I… I really love her. I think she might be the one.”

“You think so?” Joe replied, his own smile widening. “That’s amazing.”

“I’ve been looking at houses in London for a while now; I think when this whole tour thing is over, that’s where I’m going. Hopefully with her.”

“You gonna pop the question? Or take some more time?”

“To be honest? I almost asked her at the Oscars. Right in the middle of my speech; it was on the tip of my tongue. That’s when I knew for sure.”

“We had a feeling,” Joe said, smirking. There’d been a moment during Rami’s acceptance speech where his words seemed to get stuck in his throat; Joe and the other guys had all been positive he was about to ask her.

“It’s crazy how much this movie has changed all our lives. I mean every film has some impact, but this one really matters. I met Lucy, and Ben and Gwil, and I got back in touch with you. Kinda like it was meant to happen, you know?”

“Yeah,” Joe agreed. “It’s weird. Not much has changed for my career yet, but I can’t even imagine not being friends with you guys. I don’t keep in touch with cast buddies from other projects a fraction as much as I do you. And, you know, the whole thing with my dad… I don’t know what I would’ve done. And you and Lucy… I think we all knew you guys were smitten pretty much from day one. There may have been bets.”

“You always hope there’s going to be chemistry with your on-screen partner, but with Luce it just felt so real.” Rami’s eyes grew distant, a faint smile on his lips. “Life imitating art,” he chuckled, and Joe nodded.

The two stayed quiet for a few minutes. Joe really was happy for his friend, but if he was honest, he was a little jealous too. When his last relationship had ended, he hadn’t had much time to focus on it, with his father’s failing health. After that, he’d had something far more important to grieve than a breakup. But with time, he’d been able to focus on his own life again, and over the past few months, loneliness had started to seep in.

Joe looked down and plucked a string, the deep note echoing in the quiet room. He liked to think of himself as a happy person; he was always the first to make a joke, to laugh, to distract from anything too depressing. There wasn’t any point in dwelling on darkness. Still, he was only human, and seeing his friend so happy and in love stung a part of him he usually tried to ignore.

“It’ll happen for you too, you know.”

Joe looked over at Rami and shrugged.

“Maybe, maybe not. I’m fine either way.”

“Are you, though? You deserve happiness just as much as the next guy. You never know where it might come from; you just gotta be open to it.”

“I guess. I mean, I’m not exactly holding my breath, but…” Joe shrugged again, and once again silence fell between them. 

“What about Ben?” Rami said after a moment. Joe laughed and shook his head.

“What, the whole bromance thing? It’s just for fun. I mean hell, we both joke around with Gwil just as much.”

“I don’t know about ‘just as much’. He talks about you all the time, you know.”

“He does?” Joe asked, his cheeks heating up. He felt the same pressure in his chest, the one he refused to put a name to. But he shook his head, pushing those thoughts and feelings aside. “It’s just a joke,” he insisted, though his voice lacked the same conviction it had moments ago. 

Things with Ben were what they were; he didn’t want that to change. He liked their closeness, even if it did make him wonder sometimes, what it might be like to hope for more. 

“Besides, as far as I know, he’s straight. Hell, as far as I know _I’m_ straight!” Joe said, gesturing wildly.

Rami just gave him another pointed look, which he quickly turned away from. 

“He’s my best friend,” Joe said weakly, swallowing past a lump in his throat. “No offense.”

“None taken,” Rami said with a chuckle.

Joe stared at his lap, his hands gripping his knees. “I don’t want that to change.”

Rami opened his mouth to reply, but the door creaked as it opened, Ben standing in the doorway. Joe couldn’t help noticing the blonde’s cheeks were tinged faintly pink, and for some reason he felt a twist of guilt in his gut. Green eyes met hazel just for a moment before darting away.

“Thought I’d join you for a bit, get some practice in,” he said, his tone light. “Not interrupting anything, I hope?” he continued, his tone a little teasing.

“No, of course not,” Rami replied with a smile. He shot Joe a look that the ginger made a point of ignoring.

“Yeah, come on in. I was actually having trouble with the rhythm part in Stone Cold Crazy.”

“Yeah, alright.” Ben moved behind his drums, cracking his knuckles and popping his neck. “What part are you stuck on, or is it the whole thing?”

“The, um… the whole thing, I guess. It’s just really fast, and I feel like I keep missing the beat.”

“Alright, well it’ll be a little hard without Gwil, but we can try to run through it if you’d like. Rami?”

“Sure, count us in.”

They ran through the song a couple times, Ben and Joe locking eyes when the bass and drum needed to flow together. 

“How’d that feel?” Ben asked, a little out of breath. 

“Better, I think,” Joe said, nodding. “I’ll get there.”

“You’re doing great already,” Ben said with a grin. “Want to run it again? Or anything else? I’m not tired.”

“Well I am,” Rami spoke up, looking at his phone. “You guys mind if I call it a night?”

“Not at all,” Ben replied, and Joe nodded.

“Go on, call your wifey,” he teased, making Rami roll his eyes. “Tell Luce we miss her.”

Rami waved to them both and left the room; it was quiet for a minute, Ben lightly tapping his sticks on the edge of a drum.

“Did you want to keep playing?” Ben asked, his voice quiet. 

“We can. Was there anything you wanted to work on?” Joe looked over at Ben and thought about his conversation with Rami. He wasn’t sure how much of it Ben had heard, and while none of it was exactly a secret, he felt a strange shyness about it. 

The air was heavy between them, like there was something Joe was missing, something he was supposed to say or do. But as the seconds stretched on, all he could do was swallow past the dryness in his mouth and look down at his bass.

“How about I’m In Love With My Car?” Ben suggested, clearing his throat. Joe smiled and nodded his head.

“Sure, Ben.” The moment passed, and the two played on. It was a perfect song for the two of them, not needing more than just the drums, bass, and voices; Ben took the lead, and Joe chimed in with backing vocals here and there. Joe stifled a yawn once the last note faded out, and Ben chuckled behind him.

“Let’s get you to bed,” he said, setting his sticks aside; Joe nodded sleepily and set his bass in the stand. “Come on sleepyhead.” Ben wrapped an arm around Joe’s shoulders; the shorter man draped his own arm around Ben’s waist and the two of them half-stumbled upstairs to Joe’s room.

“Thanks for walking me home, Babe,” Joe laughed once they reached his door. Ben stuck his hands in his pockets and looked down, seeming so much smaller than his usual stature. Joe was reminded of how he’d looked when he walked into the studio earlier, and felt that unexpected nervousness again.

“Look,” he said after a moment of silence. “About what I was saying to Rami…”

“I didn’t hear much,” Ben said; he didn’t meet Joe’s eyes, but his cheeks did look a tiny bit pink, and his bottom lip was caught between his teeth. “You’re my best friend too,” he continued, though there was a slight crease to his brow that Joe didn’t understand.

“Yeah?” Joe felt a warmth in his chest at the admission, and the blond nodded, finally looking up.

“Yeah.”

“I should let you get some sleep, before you pass out in the hall,” the blond said, his lips curling into a bit of a smirk. 

“Right. Um… yeah. I’ll see you in the morning. Night Benny.”

“Night, Joe.” The two of them stared for a moment longer, before Ben turned and headed for his room, his door closing with a soft click. Joe stared after him, confused by the conflicting feelings churning in his stomach. It took him a while to fall asleep that night, thoughts of friendship and its close relatives plaguing his overactive mind.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I am SO SORRY this took so long! I suck... I promise I'll try to update more regularly! We're still in slow-burn territory here, but things are definitely happening.

The first week seemed to fly by. Mornings were spent around the breakfast table, sometimes all four of them, sometimes just one or two. They would rehearse in the afternoon, breaking for lunch, then separate for their own hobbies, coming together again for dinner; afterwards they’d either watch a movie together, or rehearse some more before calling it a night. It wasn’t a set-in-stone schedule, but the prevailing feeling was that they all wanted to be as ready for touring as possible.

Joe hadn’t realized just how much he missed his friends. They talked and chatted on their phones pretty regularly, but it’d been ages since all four of them had gotten together in person. They’d really become like family, and Joe was thrilled to be surrounded by them again. Like any family they bickered over stupid stuff, like who used the last of the peanut butter, or who came in late on the third verse. But it never lasted more than an hour or two before they were laughing like nothing had happened.

Joe couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so inspired. He’d learned guitar when he was younger, so it wasn’t like he’d never written a song before. But suddenly he couldn’t get the words out fast enough. Every night he sat in his room after everyone else had gone to bed, strumming chords and scribbling lines of lyrics. He wrote about family, both inherited and found, and the joy and freedom of creating, and yes, his desire for love. He didn’t write any traditional, sappy love songs per se, but there were plenty of allusions to confused feelings, and longing for something he couldn’t put his finger on. And possibly a line or two about eyes that reminded him of lush country meadows.

It was raining when Joe woke up; he could hear the patter of the drops on the window, and felt the damp chill in the air. The house was quiet as he got out of bed and padded downstairs. He wondered if everyone was still asleep, but when he rounded the corner to the kitchen, Gwilym was at the table with a mug of tea and a book. 

“Morning,” he said, looking up when the creaky floorboard announced Joe’s presence. “Kettle’s still warm.”

“Thanks.” Joe shuffled in and started a cup of tea for himself; he looked out the window as his tea steeped. “Ben and Rami still in bed?”

“Rami is, but I saw Ben head out for a run a while ago.”

“In this?” Joe scoffed, joining Gwil at the table. “He’s gonna get pneumonia.”

“That’s what I told him,” Gwil laughed. “You know how stubborn he can be though.”

Joe nodded; it was one of the things he admired the most about the blonde, how once he committed to something, there was no standing in his way. 

“So what was that I heard you playing last night?” Gwil asked.

“Oh, just something I’ve been working on. It’s not done yet. I did have another song I wanted to show you later though.”

“Brilliant, I’ve got a few things to share as well. Ben does, too, actually; he was playing this one for me yesterday that-” Gwil cut himself off and took a hasty sip of his tea, staring at something behind Joe.

“That what?” Joe asked, cocking his head to the side. 

“That I told you I didn’t want anyone else knowing about,” Ben said from behind Joe, making him jump; he hadn’t heard the door open, but Ben was standing there, soaked to the bone and glaring at Gwilym.

“Ben, how are you not freezing?” Joe exclaimed. Ben’s jacket and shorts were plastered to his skin, drops of water hanging off the few frazzled strands of hair sticking out from under his hood.

“Running keeps me warm enough,” the blonde said with a shrug, peeling off his jacket and hanging it up. His shirt was soaked straight through, and Joe caught himself staring at how the fabric clung to his abs; his cheeks flushed and he quickly turned away, staring into his mug.

“I didn’t say what the song was about,” Gwil said, rolling his eyes and earning a questioning look from Joe, and an even more heated stare from Ben. “Oh go get changed, you’re soaking the carpet.”

Joe laughed as Gwil scolded Ben; the blonde smiled at him for a moment before jogging upstairs.

“He’ll be glad to know all that working out is paying off,” Gwil said, drawing Joe’s attention; the taller man raised an eyebrow, and Joe felt his cheeks heat up again. 

“What, uh- what do you mean?” Joe held his stare for a few tense seconds, before the taller man sighed and shook his head.

“Bloody hopeless, the both of you,” Gwil muttered as he stood to put his cup in the sink. “I’d better go rouse our lead singer. Meet in the studio in thirty? I’ll show you my songs if you show me yours…”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Joe replied, nodding. He’d heard Gwil’s first comment, but was choosing to ignore it rather than ask what he meant. It was too early to start dealing with any complicated Ben-centric thoughts. Minutes ticked by after Gwilym went upstairs. Joe finished his tea, then washed the few dishes in the sink. He stared out the window at the falling rain, the cold, dreary day making him feel oddly cozy. Finally he figured it was time to stop puttering about and start his day for real, and headed up towards his room.

“I told you that in confidence!” Ben’s voice came from down the hall, quiet but forceful. Joe paused at the top of the stairs; he could just make out Gwil’s voice, and while he wasn’t one to eavesdrop, curiosity got the better of him. He tiptoed closer, standing outside his own door but cocking an ear towards Ben’s.

“You need to talk to him,” Gwilym said. “I promised I wouldn’t say anything, and I won’t, but you should.”

“I can’t,” Ben sighed, his tone desperate. “It would spoil everything.”

“You don’t know that.”

“He called me his best friend, Gwil. Friend. And he made it pretty damn clear he didn’t want that to change.”

Joe’s cheeks flushed and he quickly stepped into his room and shut the door. He regretted listening in to what clearly wasn’t meant for his ears. But now that he’d heard, his mind spun with questions. It was obvious Ben was talking about him, and the conversation with Rami he’d overheard. And it wasn’t difficult to figure out what Gwil wanted Ben to talk about, though Joe wanted to play dumb. His rational mind tried to come up with another explanation, but the obvious one made the most sense. Something else clicked in Joe’s mind, the stunted words between his two friends downstairs. Had Ben written a song about him?

Joe sat hard on his bed, letting out a breath. He didn’t know what to think, or feel. He wished he’d never heard a damn thing. _Curiosity killed the cat_ , he thought with a wry smile. 

“Joe?” Rami called from the hallway, startling the ginger from his thoughts. “You up?”

“Yeah, just a sec.” Joe dragged his hands over his face, groaning. He just had to try to forget it. That was the only way to keep from going crazy. Later on he could analyze it to death like he did with anything too deeply emotional; that was his _modus operandi_ after all - either turn it into a joke, or set it aside to be dealt with ‘eventually’, i.e. never. 

He took a couple deep breaths, then grabbed his acoustic guitar and joined his friend in the hall. 

“Gwil said we’re sharing songs today,” Rami said, holding up a notebook and grinning.

“Yeah, I think that’s the plan for now. You’ve got some to show us too?”

Just as Rami was about to answer, Ben’s door opened, he and Gwil stepping out. Joe caught Ben’s eyes, and there was a moment where they were caught, Ben looking as nervous as Joe felt. Joe swallowed hard, his throat like sandpaper. 

“Morning, guys,” Rami said, breaking the spell. Ben gave him a warm smile and an echoed greeting, and the two led the way downstairs. Gwil gave Joe a look he couldn’t begin to interpret, then followed the two. 

_Forget it,_ Joe told himself. _Bury it. Focus on the task at hand. Deal with it later._

“You coming?” Rami called from the foot of the stairs, and Joe nodded. Now wasn’t the time, and even if it was, Joe had no clue where to begin.


End file.
